Someone lemme borrow a beard for the winter
So today I took a walk, just wanted to clear my head and get away from the stress. I saw a little girl and her dad, probably a single dad guessing by the fact he had no ring on his finger. They were playing at the park with a little dog, looked like he was about two or three years old, had the shiniest white coat I’ve ever seen on a dog. They all were smiling and were happy as one could be on such a day. It made me think, what makes people happy. What does happiness mean to me, what makes me happy? Its just a moment in my life where I can forget about everything except whats happening that very second. Do we need to know pain and sadness to truly be happy or can we live our whole life being happy. This made me think if I am ever truly happy without her to enjoy it with. Is my mind just telling me that I should be happy during these moments? Even though I’ve had fun without her was I ever truly happy or was it just enjoyment from the situation I was in. Then I realized my happiest moments involved her in someway and so did my saddest moments. Is this what love is?
My heart’s telling me to just release every emotion and let my feelings pour out into this blog. But I know it would just be filled with mixed emotions and senseless babble pertaining to nothing except my insecurities. So instead I’m going to move on and cut today’s entry short. Brighter days are in my future, and I would much rather waste my time writing about those. I’m going to make me some scrambled eggs and watch Freaks and Geeks while I ponder on a master plan.
Today, or at least for now, I’m feeling very neutral. My emotions are virtually stagnant and at perfect balance, I am content. This has inspired me to take a less serious approach to things and is putting me in an artsy mood. Random: listening to Now It’s Overhead – Wonderful Scar. I haven’t really been working on my art as much lately, drifting away from my rational emotions and since of being. This was needed though, I had to starve myself from the very thing that makes me who I am. I almost completely disconnected from my identity and now I am ready to pick up where I left off. I’m dedicating tomorrow to art; not necessarily creating tangible art, but just making those connections again. I want to fully regain my “vision” and hopefully create my own inspiration, like looking through a different set of eyes. If I happen to put pen to paper then so be it but nothing will be forced. Thanks to all who have supported me even when I was at my worst.
Monday, most people dread this day because it usually involves some kind of work. But for me Mondays have been skewed into something positive, a new beginning. Using these arbitrary dates as an emotional/metal cleanser to wipe away anything negative I’ve experienced. Lately my stress levels have been at an all time high making it almost impossible to concentrate on anything really. But I have today, Monday, the day i can wipe the slate clean and start over a new again. I can be who I want to be, go where I want to go, and have ambition. I have new hope for the future and that things will finally go my way. Funny how a simple day can change your whole life; people should realize that everything has an effect and just one day can change your whole week(or even your life).
This being my first post I don’t plain on going too in depth, but instead ill use this to make more of an introduction. I’m just a very simple guy to say the least. My goals are fairly simple as well, but the path to accomplish them is proving more and more difficult. I will continue to keep my hopes up and use the love I have as my motivation to drive me through these difficult times.